A Journey

Alright, let me catch you up through the past year. I started my senior year, had fun, took classes, cherished every single moment, and finally graduated. After that, I played sporting clays, I fished, I spent time in Maine, I went to Mexico, I ate native fish, spleen, and other delicacies. I spent more time in Maine, Vermont, and Connecticut. I went to a wedding, I saw Trampled by Turtles, Devil Makes Three, and Guster. And throughout all of this, I was accepted to Colby College in Waterville, ME. Pretty exciting, right? Well, the fun’s not over yet. At 6 o’clock today, I will be boarding a flight to Charles De Gaulle airport in Paris, France, followed by a bus ride to Dijon. Why, you may ask, are you going to France? Instead of being accepted as a normal freshman at Colby, I was accepted to their First Semester Abroad program in Dijon. What this means is that I will be spending the next 3 months in France, learning the language and the culture, with several of my fellow classmates. The reason I am posting this, which should be obvious, is because I am petrified. I’m not surprised I’m petrified of the situation I’m about to embark on, I just know that I must face it head on, with a shit ton of determination. I have meds in hand and I’m ready to go.

This is new for me, and I’m ready to experience it. Join me, won’t you? IamMisplaced

Status

A while back, I wrote a blog called IamMisplaced that began because of my inability to express what I was feeling. This quickly evolved into a normal blog that spoke of the things that I did as well as showcase my photography. However, every now and then, I would go back to my original format of talking about what I was thinking about, how I felt about what I was going through. Writing about everything that was going on in my messed up brain was a truly cathartic experience for me. It helped me exponentially when I went of to boarding school, allowing me to be in a place that was my own and not influenced by anyone else. It was something that I brought from home to help me through what I was feeling, somewhat like a crutch. I would always sign off my posts with my “nom de plume” IamMisplaced, a reiteration of the fact that I was still all alone and this was the way to connect to the outside world. As I continued on into my Junior year, I found myself posting to the blog less and less frequently as I once had. I found that I didn’t need to tell my blog everything that was going on as I would before, not to mention the lack of places I would go because I was in a boarding school. Many people confronted me on the fact that I hadn’t updated my blog in ages and were wondering why. I would simply reply with “I’ve been busy” which, in a sense, was true. I had become more social and had more things on my plate to accomplish, but I still had free time to write on my blog if I wanted to. The previous year, I would have ideas stewing in my mind for ages, but now I had no time to let ideas feed on themselves. But I still could have written. Why didn’t I write? I was flabbergasted. Then, someone said something that shocked me, but made complete sense. Was I still misplaced? Had I found a home, friends, and a welcoming environment? I thought about this and thought that maybe I wasn’t misplaced. Maybe I didn’t need that crutch of misplacement anymore; maybe I was home. At that moment, I felt complete; I felt as if a hole had closed and I was a whole person yet again. It was awesome. But now, as I sit here writing this, I am beginning to feel nostalgic. I miss IamMisplaced, even if I am now NoLongerMisplaced. I want to write again. But I don’t want to write about nothing, I want to have substance. So I will resolve to this: if I feel that something is worth documenting, I will write it down and post it. If I don’t post anything for awhile, don’t take it as if I have given up blogging, it’s just that I can’t find something good to write about. This marks the end of an era, albeit a very short one. But don’t be said, this also marks the beginning of a new one; one where I am a more confident person. I will always be able to revert to the person I was, but that might not happen for awhile. Join me, will you? IamMisplaced

My Sincere Apologies

Well, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Well, my apologies. I’ve been terribly busy and haven’t found a time to post. So, let me catch you up….

December

December was an interesting month for IamMisplaced. I began to take yoga as my winter commitment and I enjoyed my first candlelight service as a member of the John Hay Society. I was also able to secure a position as game day hockey manager for 1st Boys Hockey, something that I’ve always wanted to do since my sister was manager. I also had the opportunity to take a very lovely girl to winter formal, the first time that I had ever been to any sort of formal. It seemed as if while I was at formal, everything that I had endured with the past two formals had vanished, all that mattered was what was happening right now. I couldn’t help but smile the entire time, but I was terrified underneath that smile because of my anxiety. Anyways, after I went home, we went into the city and enjoyed a nice family dinner. It was the first time that I had ever been able to spend in the Madison Square area (not to be confused with MSG, the horrid looking building which hosts concerts, sports games, and has a train station underneath it). It’s a wonderful little area, but I didn’t come anywhere close to spending enough time there. For lunch the day we arrived, we ate at Manzo in Eataly, a universe in and of itself. We had the big family dinner at a neat little restaurant. The name is escaping me at this moment, forgive me. We then had a very nice little Christmas, just like every year. I love Christmas, not for the presents and gifts, but for the atmosphere that surrounds it, the family getting together and having a good time. I hate it when it’s over, but I am always looking forward to the next year’s treat. Two days later, I turned 18. I’m still processing that, frankly. It’s difficult to understand that I am the one who’s responsible for my actions now versus my parents; it’s a little scary. On my birthday, I bought what every newly minted 18 year old gets: lottery tickets and tobacco. I bought a scratch-off just off the Merit Parkway on the way back from my Grandfather’s house and I bought a 2-pack of Black & Milds at a gas station in Massachusetts, not far from my their house. My sister arranged a huge (huge for 5 people) sushi platter for when I got home for my birthday dinner; I loved it. On NYE, I enjoyed my Black & Mild’s and had a nice evening relaxing and watching the ball drop from the comfort of my own couch. Goodbye 2011…

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An Update

I know that I haven’t entirely been great at updating this, but I’ve got an excuse. But I won’t talk about that today, that’s for a post coming up soon. What I want to talk about today is something without pictures, just words. I am extremely happy right now, ecstatic even. However, I am also super nervous, terrified. I’ve entered into a territory that I can’t seem to truly decode. For me, the only way that I can remain without anxiety is if I have past experiences to relate to, so I have a ballpark estimate of what’s going to happen. I’ve never done this before, so the ballpark has never existed. Every moment in time that I continue doing this, I am smarter and will be able to recall for future experiences. But that stop the fact that I am terrified right now. Don’t get me wrong, I am super happy that I am doing this, I just have never done anything like it before. Every day that this is happening, I give myself an imaginary pat on the back because I’m doing something I haven’t before. But that doesn’t relieve any fears. I’ve got awesome friends who have been helping me out with this, trying to teach me the ways, and I’m super grateful for that. However, I’m also worried that I might never know how to do it fully by myself. BUT that doesn’t matter right now. I’m going to have a ridiculous time, I will be so happy once I’m in the moment. But, it’s this waiting period that is killing me. However, just to reassure you, I am very happy. Okay? Cool. IamMisplaced

Consideration

And don’t forget a candle’s fire is only just a flame – Beirut

I was going to right an interesting blog post here, but I changed my mind. Why would any of you want to hear about how depressing I think my life is. It really isn’t. I’m a happy kid, I go to a good school, and I have good friends that care about me. I don’t think any of those people or you guys should be forced to hearing how I think that I suck at life and that I’m just a really sad person. I mean, really? What’s wrong with me if I say that? Maybe I just perpetually feel the need to make my life seem depressing so that I can look at everything that is good in my life as a little better than it actually is.

But there’s no use in thinking about that. I just want to go on with my life somewhat blindly and just enjoy it. I shouldn’t need confirmation that my life sucks by reiterating it. I mean, seriously. But, that will be all for today. Just thought I’d get this off my chest. Enjoy Sunday, and try to stay awake for classes on Monday. Love you too. IamMisplaced

Beginning of School

Well, after an interesting summer, I’m back at school. Excited, sure. Nervous, definitely. It’s hard for me to control my emotions and suppress them in a manor that I can present myself in class and not worry about being… I don’t know. That’s the problem with me, I have a deathly fear of the unknown, almost to the point that I can’t move. That I will be sitting there, my mind spinning in circles discussing the same thing over and over again. I just can’t and don’t know how to deal with that. Anyways, that’s my internal speech, for lack of a better word. I’m back at school, and I have tried to jump in. It’s definitely easier this year than it was last. This year I have my friends whom I know will be looking after me. I am returning to an environment that is not only welcoming, but is my second home. Anyway, last night was the Texas Line Dance, and while I didn’t participate myself in the dancing too much, I was on hand to take photos. Here are some that have gotten the okay to be posted on the blog:

Well, that’s my first day at school. I really should discuss the rest of my summer more in depth and discuss everything more emotionally. In due time my friend. There’ll be more posts from me about school as well as a 2011 reflection. So, that’s about it. Talk to you guys soon. IamMisplaced

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A Short Comment

I feel like I should talk about this, I just want to. This evening, I am appreciating life a little more. At approximately 2:30 this evening, I was in a pretty severe car crash. I was walking my dog out in a field and everything was fine and dandy. I got into my car and started driving. As I turned out, I noticed a tick fall onto my hand. I started to brush it off, because who wants to be bit by a tick? Shortly after that, everything began to blur together. Next thing I knew, blood was all over my hands and the car wasn’t moving. I looked up and saw the windshield was shattered and everything was sideways. The music (“The Suburbs” by Arcade Fire) was still playing along with a repetitive ding coming from the dashboard. I began to freak out. What just happened? Where am I? Am I in a ditch? Am I dreaming? Unfortunately, I wasn’t. I looked back in the back seat to see if Periwinkle was alright, while sweat and tears were streaming down my face. She was alright. I grabbed my flip-flops, phone, and house keys as I was sobbing. I tried to call home, but service was spotty. I forced my way through the sunroof, which wasn’t there for some reason. A very nice lady was yelling out to me from the side of the road saying she was calling 911. I looked at my hand, it was covered in blood, I has received a puncture wound to my hand. I was trying to wrap my head around what just happened. I just flipped the car into a ditch on the other side of the road. As time went by, EMS showed up along with the cops. Everyone kept telling me that I was lucky to be alive, and that if I hadn’t been wearing my seat belt or if I had been speeding, it would’ve been a lot worse than just a puncture wound. I could have died right there. But, fortunately, I am still here. I don’t plan on driving for a little bit. Anyway, just a status report. I’ll be sure to check in soon. IamMisplaced

July 8th

Another photo from the damage that the storm caused. IamMisplaced

July 6th

We just had a pretty bad storm up here in Milton; it took down a tree and took out the power. That means no lengthy post with DSLR quality photo, just a post from the iPhone with an iPhone quality picture. Enjoy your day. IamMisplaced

July 5th